Quiz me.

Okay so i love the Word of God. My kids memorized the books of the Bible when they were like 7 so i figured i being old should kick it up a gear and take it the next step. I got the idea from a study i had done but am changing the descriptions as God makes the personal to me. The only one i really kinda struggle with is Amos, the strong arms that carry. Have read it and still don't understand so if you get it, or have a new one- please enlighten me. Here i go.

In Genesis He is the breathe of life!
In Exodus He is the passover lamb!
In Leviticus He is our high priest
In Numbers He is the fire by night!
In Deuteronomy He is Israels guide
In Joshua He is salvations choice
In Judges He is Israels guard
In Ruth He is our kinsman redeemer
In 1 & 2 Samuel He is our trusted prophet!
In Kings & Chronicles He is sovereign!
In Ezra He is the true & faithful scribe
In Nehemiah He is the re builder of walls & lives!
In Esther He is our courage
In Job He is our timeless redeemer
In Psalms He is our morning song
In Proverbs He is our wisdom!
In Ecclesiastes He is the time & the seasons
In Song of Songs He is the lovers dream
In Isaiah He is the Prince of Peace!
In Jeremiah He is the weeping prophet!
In Lamentations He is the cry for Israel
In Ezekiel He is the call from sin!
In Daniel He is the stranger in the fire!
In Hosea He is forever faithful!
In Joel He is the spirits power!
In Amos He is the strong arms that carry
In Obadiah He is the Lord our Savior
In Jonah He is the Great Missionary
In Micah He is the promise of peace!
In Nahum He is our strength & shield!
In Habakkuk He brings revival!
In Zephaniah He is mighty to save!
In Haggai He restores that which was lost!
In Zechariah He is our fountain
And in Malachi He is the son of righteousness rising with healing in His hands!

Whew! That's just the Old Testament!

In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John He is my God and my Messiah!
In the book of Acts He is the Son of God with the fire of heaven in His hands!
In Romans He is the grace of God
In Corinthians He is the power of Love!
In Galatians He is freedom from the curse of sin!
In Ephesians He is my glorious treasure
In Philippians's He is the servants heart
In Colossians He enables me to live in His Kingdom of light!
In 1 & 2 Thessalonian s He is my calling King!
In Timothy, Titus & Philemon He is my mediator and faithful pastor
In Hebrews He is my everlasting courage
In James He is the one who heals the sick!
In Peter He is the faithful shepherd
In Joh He is the lover coming for His bride
In Jude He is able to keep me from falling!
In Revelation He is
King of kings,
Lord of lords,
Prince of Peace,
Son of man,
Lamb of God
Great I AM
the Alpha
the Omega
God our Saviour
Jesus Christ my Lord!
He is everything I need!

You can quiz me if you want to!

Woman at the well. Check it Out!

sanctified by mommyhood

My thoughts focused on being a mom this week reminded me of one of my favorite messages from Mothers Day. I often journal while listening to a message, (writing furiously!) key things they are saying along with whatever the Spirit puts on my heart. Here's what i got!
First Timothy 2:15 Woman will be saved during childbearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness. So i looked up and found some words to describe it are "to restore, make healthy, recover" The focus of Driscoll's teaching is how motherhood "sanctifies" us. Praise Jesus, i am so thankful for sanctification. Huge word that used to intimidate me but i am just so desperate for His work in my life, the process of being made holy, the actual continuing work of life change. My goodness, i know that Him saving me from eternity spent in hell is totally enough, if that was where the resurrection power stopped then that would still be more than any of us deserve. But here's what get's me going, what makes my heart pound fast and temperature rise- sanctification. New life, right here, right now. Paul says we don't have to wait to get to heaven to experience His life saving power we can experience it right now while in this human flesh. The amazing work of being made more like Him! My heart breaks as i see so many believers settling for just getting into heaven. He has come to give us life and life abundantly, here and now. Okay, i guess i should move on to say what i was going to say! ha.
Driscoll focuses on 5 ways Christ sanctifies us through being moms.

1.) We see our own depravity!
Oh yes. I have kept the Holy Spirit busy working on my mouth. I'll never forget my bff calling me when our children were toddlers and saying "Trevor just said a new word! He said he heard Miss. Lori say it" Thankfully i no longer cuss like a sailor. I remember thinking if i could only get this fowl mouth under control i'll be good. Ha! Meet gossip and sarcasm. Sarcasm, funny, witty is what some would call it UNTIL you hear it out of your 10 year old. Another issue is their lack of self control and discipline. Why can't they just keep up on their room, remember to brush their teeth, make sure they have their God time... why can't i make sure i organize my time better to keep up on the home, to be freed up so i am available to serve when the Lord prompts, to eat healthy so i have enough energy to do what He has called me to do. His Word says He is the keeper of time, so there is always enough of it. His Word says that He has given us the power to do everything He has called us to do! So why do i sabotage that by eating nacho's and cheese for lunch! Check out Luke 6:40. They will be like us, for better or worse. He shows us our depravity. He makes me want to repent and be changed.
2.) He teaches us humility.
Simple. We do things for our kids we would never do for anyone else. Change diapers, stay up all night. Oh, the list goes on and on. Philippians 2:7 says Christ gave up His divine privileges to serve us. We are to serve, to think of others as better than ourselves. The first day of motherhood we get a crash course in humility. For some it's the first day of pregnancy(also motherhood) we learn to humbly be on our knees before the porcelain throne.
3.)Being a mom teaches us to endure.
We must persevere. We cannot quit. We cannot become weary in well doing. Let me just say as i'm typing this i am just so grateful to live in a country where "endure" is hardly a term i have to use. Life can be difficult at times, i have certainly endured heartache at times. I just know in times when life seems hard and I begin to think of having to "endure" God will show me how blessed i am. Years ago i read Max Lucado's book "It's Not About Me" it has really helped to shift my perspective in this area (or you could just turn on the news.) Soundtrack currently playing "count your many blessings name them one by one"
4.)He teaches us patience.(deep sigh)
Duh.We teach the same lessons over and over and over. We live in a we want it now society. We have fast food, microwaves and tivo. I'm reminded of Genesis 1 when God spoke and everything happened. I often parent with that same expectation. How thankful I am that God does not parent me that same way! Absolutely there is a time for direct obedience, the problem is my response. We want it, we want it now and i am on the verge of coming completely unraveled if I don't get the end result now. The dailiness of training up our children in the way they should go. Taking the time to explain why we go to church, why we serve, why they need to honor us, why we don't date yet, why we don't watch certain tv shows, why we tithe... Are we teaching our kids decision making. We want them to understand the importance of decision making as adults. "Because i said so" certainly has its time and place but if we are just not wanting to take the time to explain because we are watching Y&R or Grey's Anatomy they may never come to own for themselves the very values and things we are trying to pass on to them. God's Word does not allow for time off when it comes to teaching our kids. It takes patience in building a disciple, as we are discipling them Christ is discipling us.
5.)He sanctifies me by forcing me to have fun!
Okay with my history of OCD (and it is history) Time to have fun was not on the schedule, with having to keep the lines from the vacuum on the carpet and rewrite shopping list 10 time there was no time for fun. Praise God! He used my children time and time again to break through the daily grind of things that won't matter in 10 years or even tomorrow. So many silly moments during completely hairy circumstances. Playing kick ball out front, go fish, old maid, scrabble, i wish i could forget the roller blading phase(ouch, what were we thinking?) Recently we were going through a horrible financial situations, it was September the air was broke and it was hot. Every situation was intensified by the heat, humidity and sweat. My precious Rielly made me a beautiful card that said "mommy thank you for making everyday feel like the air is broke" (surely this will be a future post all by itself!) she went on to say "oh i said that backwards!" and we laughed our heads off!
I know there are so many other ways that God has used my children to sanctify me, it is truly a daily process. I pray i never grow weary of it. Praise the LORD He is blessing me right this moment with a divine opportunity for sanctification. A certain someone has wrote "yuck" all over a certain someone else's Hannah Montana CD and they want justice. Darn Dr. Phil is coming on in 1 minute. just kidding. kind of.

Finally. Happy Mother's Day!

Nine Mother's Days'. Nine self loathing, miserable, depressed mothers days. Well now that i read that i make it look like it was only on that day each year that i gave God permission to take me out. Mothers day was simply the day i felt God could hear me better on this particular issue. Please do not for one second think that my ridiculous behavior was any kind of reflection on my sweet babies, mercy no. I have absolutely always loved them with all my heart the problem being my heart was seriously broken.
Strange because i can remember the first night i realized i did not quite think the same as my other mommy friends. We had escaped for a much needed girls night out to Cheesecake Factory, all of us had multiple toddlers at home with dads on babysitting duty. *Sidenote we established that night that it is so not babysitting if he is the dad, oh no. Anyhow, one of my friends mentioned that if anything were to happen to her in no way was her man aloud to remarry. I was shocked, everyone else agreed that no other woman would raise their precious little ones. Light bulb moment here, not that i knew it at that time. There have been several times in my life that i have been made painfully aware that i did not think like other people. Yes, of course this could be a good thing but not so much in this case. I had been a Christ follower for a few years at this point and in my many prayers throughout the day i would continually give God permission to take me out. Nine years of saying the same destructive things over and over. "I suck at this. I am so going to mess them up. Don't punish them because i don't know how to do this. Jesus take me out and give them someone better." Over and over and over. I was terrified they were going to end up like me. My mom left when i was 6, part of me was afraid i was going to do what she did. I suppose i thought she just flipped one day and i was so afraid i just had it in me to do the same thing. Their early years i was so broken.
I joked a couple blogs ago about learning from a book to smile at my children. Fake it till you make it. It worked for me. Thankfully Christ called me out when my oldest was only 2 years old. I had 5 children over 6 years. My house was full of little ones and i learned right along with them. Praying before we ate our meals and at bedtime, bedtime devotions, Jesus Loves Me Cd over and over, memorizing Awana verses with Casey at age 3, learning Veggie Tales virtues(note to self, God IS bigger than the boogy man), being at church whenever the doors were open. My point is that my children had zero resemblance of my childhood but i was still ever so faithful to play that old tape "I suck at this. I am so going to mess them up. Don't punish them because i don't know how to do this. Jesus take me out and give them someone better." Over and over, everyday. Driven by fear of doing what seemed to be mission impossible.
The year was 2004, Mothers Day approaching and my dearest friend was going through a season in her life where she was consumed with worry for her family if something ever happened to her. By this time i had certainly realized that God had given me the gift of encouragement but i just felt in this case i had nothing for her. We were two peas in a pod we were. She was pleading with God to live life to its fullest and i was still continually giving Him permission to take me out and replace me with someone more qualified to do this job. One day i was reading through 1 Kings 3 the story of when Solomon had been made king and he was telling God i am honored, i am young, i need your help- Wait for it!- v.9" for who on their own is able to lead your glorious people?" I had a Jeremiah 23:29 moment. I was and had been head over heels in love with Jesus, feasting on His Word, passionate prayer life for 8 years! The Holy Spirit pretty much spoke to my heart and said "Hello!!! Quit whining We know you can't do this on your own, here look in this Word that you hold so dear and believe it, Solomon the wisest guy on earth, King David a man after My own heart as his dad is saying he can't do it, he can't lead these people. I did not leave him hanging and I AM not going to leave you hanging either. You say you believe in the power of prayer but you continue to give me permission to take you out, if I wanted you out, I would've taken you out. I AM God i really never needed your permission anyway." No kidding, i was laying out in the back yard praying and started bawling, remember it like it was yesterday. The neighbors probably thought those poor kids. just kidding! Okay, honestly, i wish i could say i never played that old tape again, i can not, but i can say that when i do i am immediately reminded that He never asked me to do this on my own and He'll take me out when and if He wants to until then my calling is confirmed. I am so having a Happy Mother's Day. Thank You Jesus.
Okay, soundtrack currently playing is David Crowder, Oh Praise Him
Anyone want to share a Jeremiah 23:29 moment?

my life's soundtrack

Okay, so i was thinking if my life had a soundtrack (by the way, i am pretty sure it does and Jesus is going to play it for me in heaven) this song would sum up the first 20 years. Along with some Fleetwood Mac, The Cure, Bob Marley, Pearl Jam and some others i will not be mentioning.
Evanescence
Bring Me to Life



Praise God for divine intervention. Well i totally can't pick one song to sum up the past almost 13 years, however this one makes me think of in the beginning, when Lori was formless and empty and darkness covered the deep darkness of her heart. And the Spirit of God was hovering over and then God spoke.
Hillsong United
The Stand



What's your soundtrack?

Surely this is post worthy.

Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. Feels like i have so much i want to say, but stuck. Like when you have peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth but your mouth is still full and your not quite ready to try to unstick the peanut butter, stuck and slightly comfortable there. Surely this is post worthy.

Someone apparently reads this...

Someone apparently reads this, I've been tagged to share seven random things about myself.
1.) I hate talking on the phone. (it is currently ringing)
2.) I am a huge procrastinator, I work best under pressure.
3.) I absolutely cannot sing and clap at the same time.
4.) I learned from a book that i should smile at my children (then actually felt the need to practice in the parent pick-up line at school:D) Thank you Elizabeth George, I shall add you to my fave authors.
5.) I was the huge pregnant girl waddling across the stage at my high school graduation.
6.) My husband & I have been together for 19 years, married 13 years. Love ya, baby.
7.) I am painfully aware that my grammar sucks, feel free to correct at any time.

maybe...

So i just got finished reading my friend Adrienne's blog and feel like maybe i should lighten up. Holy cow. Or maybe at least put a picture of me up so you don't think i'm like emo or something. Is that mean to say?

Sunday Leftovers

Holy cow. Is that okay to say?
"Collisions:When Faith and the World Collide" that has been our current message series at my lovely home church. Let me just say that there was a collision in the heavenlies at 9am service. I am pretty sure that i was the only one fully aware and i feel compelled to enlighten whoever stumbles upon my silly blog. So i must first set the scene for you. My childhood years were lets just say "horribly abusive" um, yah, i think that is enough said you can grasp the fullness of what i am saying through the rest of the story. God has done quite the overhaul on my life and it is only through His amazing work i am able to have some form of relationship with my family. That is not to say that it is easy by any means, He has taught me to fight the good fight with holding every thought captive, staying in the Word and face down, nose to the carpet praying. Whew. Needless to say it has been a long, emotionally, exhausting week as i have prepared for a visit. So Sunday morning i am feeling pretty good, the visit is halfway over and my family had said they wanted to go to church with us, so i thought i'm golden i can do this. Worship together, have the Word spoken over us, sounds good, right? We usually go to the 11am because Tony and the kids all serve at 9am so i was on my own. Well Tom, our worship leader is greeting us, going over announcements so i'm sitting there checking out the bulletin when i see the title to todays message "Lust and Immorality" I, sitting in the 3rd row, looked up at Tom and i'm pretty sure he was unaware (considering he didn't come over and give me CPR or anything) said with my eyes "farewell my friend, i am going to die now" See my old way of thinking was pretty much my heart is just going to stop, just stop. For it to explode would be too much emotion, my heart would stop, i would breathe my last breath, i am done. Then he said to stand and say hello, Thorunn i don't know if you felt all your strength leave you during that hug but i took it. All week as i have been praying and pretty much reminding myself of Scriptures that i know God has spoken over my life such as Jer 29:11, lots of times God (cause He knows i love music) will give me a theme song for the moment, this weeks soundtrack has been Amazing Grace (the Lord has promised good to me) and Break Free(we are holding on, holding on to what You've said and You've done) So i began to sing and pray. As i was praying and repeating what God had said "the Lord has promised good to me" Tom stops to reminds us that we need to not get hung up on what songs were going to sing when we come in... TRUE. TRUE. TRUE. But lets remember i am trying to convince myself that this service is not going to be my funeral. Praise God, I have the biggest smile on my face right now as i think of our enormous God, that my brother Tom and i were in a 3 way conversation with the King of the Universe at that moment and we didn't even know it. Mind blowing, truly. So then comes the message. My heart just aches over the path of destruction that can be started off with just a glance, then looking at magazines, then movies, then just the quest for more, i know it well. While digging into the history behind my abuse and the why factor came up, it wasn't as if all of a sudden a monster appeared it started with just a glance, then looking at magazines, then movies, then clubs, then drugs, then chaos, out of control. To have the truth spoken out loud over us and for neither of us to just flat out die (or run), I have no doubt that my Father in heaven was waging war with the enemy of our souls, that He was saying right there the fact that those two can sit next to each other in My house and sing to Me, talk to Me, and listen to My life changing Word is proof of My amazing grace, My resurrection power and My unfailing love. I am not saying that i am still not going to struggle at times but i will say i felt like God was saying to me "It is finished." He once again confirmed to me that i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Guess how service ended? We usually repeat one of the songs from earlier. Nope. amazing grace. the LORD has promised good to me!

More family coming Wednesday at 1pm, can't wait to see what's next. Yes thats a prayer request.

Just thinking.

Whew. Getting ready. Family is going to be visiting this week and i have to prepare myself, no not my house, not my menu, my self. I frustrate myself because sometimes it just seems to hard, like this takes so much work on my part. I admit i struggled with sadness this week but that was more over just what wasn't, sad was never a word i would use to describe my years in turmoil that was just fear, captivity, loneliness, crazy. My friend Kendra and i were talking about it and i think i had a light bulb moment because i was feeling a little guilty about feeling sad. I thought God has brought me through so much, He has blessed me with an amazing husband and children. God has given them a legacy of love, truth and grace, He has broken the chains of abuse, divorce and indifference. I felt maybe ungrateful and guilty for being sad. Then it hit me, that reality is with my past if i wasn't "sad" some may call that psychopathish (yes, i made that word up, its my blog, so i reserve the right) I am so blessed to finally be at a place in my marriage that i can share with my husband my feelings on all this and we both were so in awe of God this week and how far He has brought us. (13th Anniversary!) Even thinking of my family a few years ago would have sent me into a paralyzing fear. Mmmm, aka oppression? Well i thought it was sweet cause he had shared(which meant he cared:) with Michael (his mentor) that i was struggling and Michael said well its okay to be sad as long as she doesn't go al the way back to Egypt. Wise words-i love it. I won't. So, just thinking, out loud, on paper. HA! On the computer. Not one of my finest.

Sunday Leftovers

Well Sunday service was awesome as usual. We had the privilege of our drummer, Randy giving the message. And gave he did. In 2 Cor 15:1 Paul says he would gladly spend himself for his readers because he loves them so much! Well as Randy spoke he was pouring himself as a drink offering for God's glory to be revealed to human eyes and ears. Praise Jesus. I have to say i used to pray (or whine) to God that i wished i had a prettier testimony. Of course i am sad at the time wasted and destructive decisions and painful consequences BUT I can say that it is well with my soul because through that i know Christ and the power of His resurrection. I know that He can make anything glorious, new, His. Randy sharing from his personal experiences is testimony of how Jesus can make all things new. The Bible says we are to walk by faith and not sight but He so loves to blow our minds with living proof, something these eyes of flesh can see. i am so grateful.

An ark for Easter?

Palm Sunday has always had a tender place in my heart. I will forever have seared in my memory, 11 years ago peeking in my Casey (then almost 3) Sunday School class and seeing them all waving palms bigger then them and shouting Hosanna! Hosanna! I so wish i had a picture of that moment, she was absolutely beaming and yet at the same time taking this very seriously. Funny, cause she still gets that same look today. Well feeing very inspired i thought i would do a little craft project with my girls in celebration of Easter. The girls had taken their naps and woke up to a table full of supplies. Let me say that our picture we made was a masterpiece! At the time Tony and I were separated and i was living with my dad. The girls could not wait for him to get home to show him what they had created. He smiled and they went off to play. Then as he was rummaging around in the refrigerator he said "Lori, you know that Easter has nothing to do with Noah's Ark, right?" The importance of telling you he was in the fridge was important so he could not see the look of horror on my face! God let me feel that rush of embarrassment and confusion all on my own. He is so good. Of course i replied "yeah i know that, duh, it was just a craft dad" Panic. Panic. Panic. I still till this day have absolutely no idea what i thought the connection was. Ark, rainbow, doves???
I am so grateful that God is so gracious with me! I believed Him for salvation, i was baptized, i have no doubt that my eternity was secured at this time in my life.
I count it as a true gift that I can remember when my heart started to pound for Him, something inside me changed that day i saw Casey waving those palm branches and shouting Hosanna! Making that silly picture of the Ark at Easter was the first time i ever craved God's Word, i would say i was desperate for it. Sad to say i had to wait for it. Much to my surprise the word Easter was not in the back of my pink KJV bible, concordance, dictionary, not in there. I suppose i was still to prideful to dare ask anyone what it meant, mostly because it seemed that i was the only person who had obviously no idea. (FYI John 18-20) I was desperate to know what was in the Bible. A week later our pastor was preaching from the book of Acts and how the Bereans were of more noble character because they didn't just listen to what they were taught they wanted to see it and know it for themselves. I say all this to say that again, God has revealed to me, that He has relentlessly pursued me. That i crave and love His Word the way that i do is just as foreign to my flesh as if an ark has anything to do with Easter. From seeing my little girl shouting Hosanna, to making an Ark for Easter, to learning from the bereans that i should read my Bible, to a dear woman sending me a study on the book of Colossians (see Sunday Leftovers ) All this from Palm Sunday to Mothers Day 1997! From humble beginnings, He has been absolutely relentless with me. Ephesians 2:8-9.

Easter 1997! Happy to say there is no evidence of trauma from mommy's lack of wisdom! Truth is they probably knew the truth before i did!

Time out.

Taking a break.

Know & Tell Friday

Question 1
Did you eat candy this Valentine's Day? Nope, sure did not.
Question 2
What is something you do to relax? Love to sit on my back patio and read! Funny because all the different places we've lived and whether lovely or not that's where you'll find me. Or the bubble bath. I also find it relaxing to watch John & Kate+8:)
Question 3
(From Poole's book) What is the best approach for resolving conflict? Funny you ask, currently going through "Peacemakers" bible study. I used to only run as fast as i could in the other direction. Avoid it at all cost, didn't matter how costly it was to me. Now i can say i pray about it, asking God what the real issue is, where's my fault and if its something He wants me to overlook or something worth working out. If it comes to that it usually starts with me asking for forgiveness for my part first. Certainly a work in progress. Hardest with my husband because we both were runners and here 19 years into our relationship God is showing us some things are worth fighting for:)
Question 4
(Poole's book again) How would you define "freedom"? (this could probably be a bonus question)
Yikes! The first thing that popped into my head was Galatians 5:1 if Christ has set you free then stand firm and do not let yourself be taken into slavery again. Christ has set me free from so many different things which made our past year all the more difficult. Losing our house, our cars, ect.... Knowing full well that He had broken the chains of so many different areas then to be in chains again over money. Ugh. I don't in any way miss the "stuff" but i can say came dangerously close to thinking that this was the line drawn in the sand, that Christ had freed me from all that other stuff but this was too much. I can't believe i was tempted to by into that. I am not perfect but i am forgiven. ????
Question 5
(Poole's book) On a scale of 1-10, how happy do you usually feel? Explain. I'm going to say an 8. Explain-Christ in me, thats it, nothing else. Gosh i feel like i should say 10 then:) No seriously though, having gone through such paralyzing bouts with depression, i'm good, i'm happy! i'm choosing joy! Not that i don't still feel that depression coming on but i know how to battle it, i know not to flirt with it. I remind myself of all the life that i have now and am thankful. God is amazing at bringing other's situations before me that are far worse if i start to go there.
Bonus Questions
Question 6
If you could choose one "SIN" that you would never have to struggle with for the rest of your life what would it be? Pride-no doubt. Crazy to me because 10years ago if i would've heard someone say that i'd be thinking "how nice for you, now let me tell you a real problem" God forbid! Funny cause that statement is prideful. A couple years ago when i started seeing pride in my life i was floored!!!! Conviction to me felt the same way i would feel after submitting to my drug addiction when i was still using. How did King David describe it? strength sapped, bones waxed old... Yuk. Sin is sin. I find myself struggling with selfishness and being judgmental. Prides groupies if you ask me.
Question 7
What is one thing that breaks your heart? Hardened hearts. People who live such hopeless lives. Can't even imagine that there is any hope for them. People who have that look in their eyes like if you only knew what happened, what i did, who i am you wouldn't waist your breathe. I think more so for Christians who believe that Jesus has saved them, like their getting into heaven but thats it. Jesus holds them at arms length. Mercy. Breaks me heart.

Sunday Leftovers

God is amazing. Amazingly God and yet so amazingly personal. I make myself absolutely crazy trying to figure Him out. Let me just confess once again I was kind of dragging my feet again this morning on the way in to service. The whole work thing still (stupid i know) they scheduled me to go in early which meant i had to go to service separate from my family. [Please note one of the many reasons i write this blog is as i am writing i realize how stupid i am. My attitude should of course be that- praise God i can go to church, that my family all loves to serve God and that i have a job to got o at all...duh] So i asked my friend to save me a seat with her and as i came in she was front row, ugh, kinda like to hide behind a few rows personally.
So we had a special blessing this morning the Christian Fellowship Athletes from the high school across the street lead worship this morning. They rocked. God has giving me such a sensitive heart to those who publicly stand up and speak out for Him. These young men as i said totally rocked and i can imagine the enemy would love to throw them off track by heaping mans praise My heart was so full. whew. Just begging God to totally blow their minds, thrill them with His presence. That they would be in just complete awe of Him working through them. The Holy Spirit was so heavy upon them, i pray they know it. Well as i was praying for them to be saturated in His Spirit, i felt the heaviness. I don't know if this is weird or not but i get burning hot and i know i am supposed to submit and hit my knees and just get down and give Him glory, kinda like i am feeling right now. [here comes a stupid moment] In a flash my mind went into overhaul, pride took over "NO God, really my heart is bent down, my mind is bent down, surely i don't have to physically get down on my knees!" i am thinking-the front row is like the front row to the praise team and i felt stupid getting down. How did i go so quickly from worshiping Him to getting all caught up in myself. In a flash. Whew. Here is the good part, the part where once again God shows Himself personal and relentless with me. The song ends, maybe i am off the hook, maybe i don't have to get down... This young man starts saying Revelation 4! I'll let you read it. I hit my knees so quick. I new what was coming v.10 "get down" Whew. when that young man said it i immediately thought of someday God's might arm is going to strike and i want to be down, why did it take me so long!!! (all this happened over like 2 min time-lol) What if it was 2 min. ago when i was too prideful to get on my knees in front of the worship team, how i want to learn to listen and obey immediately. How many times do i miss the outpouring of His Spirit because i don't. [how i would love to say that the story is over and i will listen quickly next time and that i obeyed in the end] BUT! I knew what verse 10 said! Had it in my head and heart. They fell prostrate before Him who is sitting on the throne. In a flash, "God i am wearing a skirt!" He is relentless and oh so merciful. He might just turn me into a front row kind of girl.
Praise Him, when His Spirit falls maybe it hits the front row first, i'll pray about that! lol
As usual didn't get past the first 20 minutes. Let me just say to friends from my home church. I was reminded of a funny story. Our pastor had asked what are favorite book of the Bible was and I was reminded of me being a new Christian. I had asked where I should begin reading the Bible. I lived in Florida and was about to go live on my own in Oregon for a few months and wasn't going to be able to go to church and Genesis was not doing it for me!!!! The 2 pastors actually went back in forth a bit in front of me, one said John the other said Mark. Well a week later I was in Oregon and received a book in the mail from the Pastors wife. Verse by verse study of (drum roll please!) Colossians! As a new Christian i did not even know that was a book in the Bible. (i am currently crying) I am so amazed at His pursuit of me. He knew then i was a high maintenance girl, He knew that i needed to be thrilled! What a place to start, to get to know Him, those were some powerfull seeds sown! That I never stop being thrilled by Him!

Know & Tell Friday

Question 1
How often do you get real sick? Praise Jesus not to often! Just plain wore out exhausted about once a month. Trying to take better care of myself to prevent that!
Question 2
Do you usually send serious or humorous greeting cards? Why? Serious for sure. As stated in questions from a couple weeks ago i tend to be on the deep side. Maybe i should lighten up a bit!
Question 3
Are you a person who has a whole lot of acquaintances, or just a few very close friends? Wow! Both for sure. I have a group of friends that God has certainly knit together in my heart-kindred spirits! (If your reading this and you know me, it sure would be fun if you would join the world of blog!) I also have a lot of acquaintances which is completely a fantastic miracle considering i used to be so painfully shy! Christ gets the credit.
Question 4
If you could cure a disease, or heal a sickness, which one would you choose? This should be a bonus question, very hard! How do i not say cancer. This is my blog so i pick 2- cancer and i'm going to say depression, mental illness... From experience my heart just aches for those who are not free to live life abundantly. I could go on but i'll save that for another day. (or apparently for the last question)

Bonus Questions
Question 5
What does "being spiritual" mean to you? Definitely bonus material. Well definitely would have had a different definition several years ago. Now I'm going to say striving (not perfect!) but striving to have the mind of Christ in all things. Trying to see people the way Christ view's them, hear from their hearts what He hears. Really seek His Word & dig deep to be able to know His thoughts and ways. Holding nothing back. Certainly not just when at church & with friends but also at home with family behind closed doors. ???
Question 6
Imagine you were talking to someone who did not believe in God and Jesus... How would you explain to them that Jesus is Real (from your experiences in your own life)? Wow. Well, from my own personal experience would just have to say that no person in their own power can change as much as i have. Not even if i had Dr. Phil and Beth Moore as my own personal life coaches! haha He has done a mighty work in me. Seek and you will find! A few weeks ago Beth Moore asked for testimonies on how we have broke free, here's what i wrote...
"Love it! Love Him! He has set me free from a fierce stronghold of bitterness toward my mom who left me when I was 5 with an abusive (in every way)dad. He has transformed my anger, hurt and severe dysfunction into pity and compassion for my abusers. I storm the gates of heaven in prayer for them to know my Savior and to know that they can live in total freedom this side of heaven! He has chased away my fear! At 20 my husband was still having to walk me to the bathroom for fear of being alone!! He has broken the chains of drug addiction for me and my husband! He spoke Isaiah 43:19 into my heart before I ever knew how to find it in my Bible! He changed the legacy for my 4 beautiful children. He is my everything & it is my absolute joy to be able to share with anyone who will listen of this God who has relentlessly pursued me. To Him be all glory, honor & praise! Thanks for asking!!!!"
Funny thing is afterwards my heart ached (just cause i wanted to give Him full praise!) for all the ways i failed to mention. I had an abortion at 17, no respect at all for the gift of life-didn't even cross my mind. The fact that i was so weak and insecure and hopeless that i gave another child up for adoption years later. And yet God in His unending mercy has blessed me with 4 beautiful, healthy, God loving children. Years later when i realized the full value of life and the weight of what i had done, life was unbearable. He didn't stop, He was relentless with me He didn't just want me to move on but wanted me to know how far, how deep, how wide His love, mercy and forgiveness is. He wanted me to grasp the fact that even though i had done such horrible things i didn't have to carry the weight of that around with me. Our human bodies were not created to bare the weight of that and He continues to remind me that He has taken that and bares it for me.
Oh mercy, i could go on and on. Didn't even mention what He did with my depression, suicidal thoughts.... Is anyone else thinking of that song "this is the song that never ends..."
Seriously have to go! But before i do...
Philippians 3:10-11[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body]!

weary wednesday

Exhausted week. Is this why everyone does "wordless Wednesday"

Know & Tell Friday

Question 1
1. Who do you wish you could meet? Oh, I hate to be a copy cat but of course Beth Moore is on the top of my list. I also think it would be fun to meet Francis Chan's wife.
2. Best food comes from which country? I have to say right here in the good old USA! Give me a steak any day!
3. If you are familiar with the movie/musical "Grease", what girl character would you be (let's apply this lightly...I know some of the behaviors of the girls was not too nice). Bummer! Sandra Dee is the only one i can remember, definitely not her. Mmmm.
4. Would you be more likely to toilet paper someone's house, or would you be the one that has their house toilet papered? I just couldn't do it!!! To cause someone to have to pick up that mess. Our student pastor at our church actually told me it was a term of endearment. So maybe someday we will visit his house. Maybe tonight, considering I am having 26 teenagers spend the night for the Revolve Tour! We do love them!
5. Do you like small talk, or deep conversations? Deep calls to deep! I'm getting better at small talk-ha! I remember years ago a new friend said "wow, your quick to go there, your a deep thinker" I felt embarrassed, not so much anymore.

Bonus Questions
6.Who do you most want to encourage this year? My husband.
7.If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it? Trust God. They would be right. I sadly will still overthink every detail to the max! Which of course is exhausting. Hard question.

why blog?

Psalm 40:7-11
So I answered, "I'm coming.
I read in your letter what you wrote about me, and I'm coming to the party you're throwing for me. That's when God's Word entered my life, became part of my very being.
I've preached you to the whole congregation, i've kept back nothing, God—you know that.
I didn't keep the news of your ways a secret, didn't keep it to myself. I told it all, how dependable you are, how thorough. I didn't hold back pieces of love and truth for myself alone. I told it all,
let the congregation know the whole story. God, don't hold out on me, don't hold back your passion. Your love and truth are all that keeps me together.

Delivered.

Delivered? Strange word really. Used to really kind of freak me out actually. The first time i heard it was 10 yrs ago at a recovery group meeting for people struggling with addictions. I remember several people were giving testimonies of how they met Christ and were immediately delivered of their addictions. Well, let me say that i was perplexed (that could of been the drugs as well) because i was not immediately feeling any kind of deliverance from my drug addiction. So i, like a 6yr old pledging to not eat my carrots, always kind of had a bad taste in my mouth when it came up. Real mature i know. Then there were other times i'd be around people who would kind of throw that word around like-i'm in deliverance ministry. My response was probably something like "great, good for you" Too afraid that if i asked exactly what that meant they would want to somehow deliver me. That seemed scary. lol Praise Him that He makes the foolish wise.
So why all this scary(lol) talk about deliverance? I found out its actually quite encouraging and beautiful. duh. In my Bible study a couple weeks ago (Beth Moore-To live is Christ) I was reading 2Tim 3:10-11 But you have carefully followed my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, long suffering, love, perseverance, persecutions, afflictions, which happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra—what persecutions I endured. And out of them all the Lord delivered me.
According to my definition of deliver, i would have to disagree. Remembering of course that i never asked what it meant, didn't want to know, which makes me again foolish. See in Acts 14:6 Paul was in Iconium & he escaped being stoned. However in Acts 14:19 Paul was in Lystra and there was no escaping, they stoned him and dragged him outside the city gates because they thought he was dead. Yet Paul says he was delivered from both. (I am currently reminded of my friend Adrienne saying "wait for it, Lori, wait for it" as i was figuring out the amazingly crazy ending to The Village, very dramatic moment, i'm not easy to surprise) Are you even still reading? Okay, so here is the fun part. Rhuomai. I know isn't it great.Rhuomai is the original word for delivered in 2Tim 3:11 it means "to drag along the ground, to draw or snatch from danger, to rescue, deliver-more with the meaning of drawing to oneself than merely rescuing from someone or something " Hallelujah! I have often joked that my Christian walk has been more of a crawl, apparently i was not even crawling but being "dragged along the ground" God doesn't always stop the stoning, the unemployment, the foreclosure, the divorce, the cancer, the jail sentence, the loss of a loved one, the IRS, the physical pain & suffering, the rebellious child, he doesn't always release us immediately from a bondage to drugs, alcohol, food, fear, insecurity...what He does is He draws us closer to Himself. God is relentless with us, we must persevere to know Him, to love Him. To trust that no matter how we mess up or how long we've been dragging He works all things out according to His purpose. Jesus as you draw us close to You help us to press into You, Your Word, Your ways. Help us to remember we are never alone, nothing is beyond repair when we know the Creator, You have a plan for each of us we just have to wait for it!

INHALE!

Just wanted to say I am (at the risk of sounding corny) completely loving Jesus today. I can say my thoughts all day have been consumed with Him. My mind keeps replaying His Word over and over. Daniel 1:8 decide ahead of time not to defile yourself-kept me out of trouble today! He is light and there is no darkness in Him at all! Just completely saturated in His Word. I am amazed sometimes at how I just actually crave the Word. Like I just need it and it fills me up. Like if that is all I had I could live off of it. Just completely satisfied. That's how I'm feeling today.
What gets me is that today has been a great day. There are certainly days when I've been dwelling in a pit and just need a rope to get me up. So yeah then i need it. But not today. The kids and i woke up horrendously late for school, we had 15min. to get dressed, brush hair, teeth, shoes on, the whole deal and there was no freaking out. No yelling at one another to hurry up, everyone got off to school with smiles. I had a nice day at work (doesn't happen often) even got to encourage 4 other co-workers. I got home at the same time as kids. Rielly and I talked for an hour about how God's love just shines threw her and how we need to pray for our friends who aren't so shiny. Sam and I made Valentine candy. We were able to eat a family meal together that I so happily (not always my mood) prepared. I took a shower before 8pm. Overall great day and i still crave the Word. Just a breath of fresh air! 2Timothy 3:16 all Scripture is God breathed-INHALE!

Know & Tell Friday

Question 1
What is your favorite fairy tale? Well I suppose if I had to pick one it would be Beauty & the Beast. I could relate to Belle's passion for reading and she reminds me of my Emily with her gorgeous brown hair and brown eyes and sweet nature. Silly!
Question 2
If you could be guaranteed a spot on the reality show "Survivor", would you go? NO WAY! I love food! I value my sleep! I love people-i could never vote anyone off. I could never be away from my family for that long! Not even if they paid my a million dollars just to show up. Nope. Now if my man wanted to go???
Question 3
Meanest thing you ever did to a sibling? Funny cause you said "specifics elude you"-your siblings are very nice to let you forget. I put my older sister (go figure) in the dryer when we were probably age 4 & 5-childish play, I say. She still tells the story to this day and I'm pretty sure she's still mad. lol Even more funny I seem to remember getting hit in the head w/ a frying pan by the same big sister at age 11. Not so childish. I forgive you Stephanie!
Question 4
Best Fashion Era... 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's or now... NOW! No question! I was raised mostly by my dad and bless his heart-fashion was not on his mind. I have a picture of me at about age 9 with my purple socks, hot pink corduroy pants and (wait for it!) bright orange Cleveland Browns tshirt! Pretty much all you can see is my glare from my over sized glasses and no doubt my unbrushed hair. So sad.
Question 5
Have you ever skipped to the end of a book before you finished reading the book? ALWAYS! I know, again, so sad, pray for me. lol Biggest regret was Redeeming Love by Francis Rivers. I wish I had waited for it!

Bonus Questions (I found these questions through a website, and boy are these challenging...)
Question 6
What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year? This is hard because I am playing Thomas here. I have never actually had financial freedom. By the time I was at an age to really start paying attention to how $ worked (age 12)I lived with my mom who struggled horribly, never owned a house, car, "week to week" doesn't begin to cover it. My husband i s self employed and it is always feast or famine. We were unwise in our feast time so... I do not want to be rich! I just want to be right with God! I want to have a clean conscience knowing that He will supply what we need and that we will be wise enough to know the difference. i don't know if that makes sense. Change us Lord!
Question 7
What is one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God? Be completely satisfied in Him! Again with the money thing. To know He is enough. God forgive me, I miss my Suburban! Silly I know! I did't even want it when we bought it. Being thankful for what we do have! Knowing it is enough! I have a hard working husband, 4 healthy children(amazing considering our old life style!) roof over our heads, electric, clean water, food on the table, and a job! I'm practicing!

Sunday's Leftovers

Funny thing happened Sunday morning. God drove home a lesson that He has taught me a thousand times. And He did it in the first five minutes of service. Earlier in the week I had learned an interesting word that I couldn't get out of my mind, still can't, don't want to. Get this-it's actually Mandarin Chinese, Ling xiu (leeng SHE-oo) Ling means spirit or soul and Xiu means repair. Ling xiu=soul repair! They use this word for their Christian daily devotional time. Well whats not so funny is I woke up in quite a foul mood Sunday morning, I was tired, then I was angry because I was tired, had to go to work after church...silly but I just couldn't shake it-mad at life. Went to church and our worship pastor Tom asked if any of us just felt the need to be there this morning, just felt like if you didn't come something bad was going to happen(not like in a weird way, like God's going to get you-we're not like that-God is not like that:)) This brings me to another thing that God has relentlessly been reminding me of. Acts 9:5 Amp AndSaul said, who are you Lord? I am Jesus, Whom you are persecuting. ^[b]It is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you to keep kicking against the goad [to offer vain andperilous resistance]. (Also in Acts26:14) Two things totally got me here!
#1)God is hugely amazing and nothing like us(duh-i know) Stephen had just been martyred, practically at Paul's feet and Jesus wasn't coming after him in a I'm going to get you sort of way. He is love. He is able to completely be there for Stephen and yet at the same time completely be there for Paul. He loves them both equally. He ached for Stephen's situation, the Word tell us that Christ rose to His feet, standing at God's right hand. At the same time He loved Paul and had such compassion for him, he didn't say I AM going to get you, or your going to make this up to me and be my servant. Christ didn't NEED anything from Paul. He said let me tell you, this does not end well for YOU. Which brings me to
#2) I cannot count how many times I have heard His Spirit say the same thing to me. The Word tells us, the Spirit prompts us, He always gives us a way to escape temptation... I will say I was stunned when I read that verse, the Bible says His Word is alive and I say- no doubt. I'm still overcome with emotion now just thinking about it. I learned early on about having a "personal" relationship with Christ and can truly say I have had one for the past 12 years but it just hit me a fresh. God speaks to us, not only through His Word but in our soul. I immediately was reminded of when I was battling drug addiction and can say before I would get high heard those words "this is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you" Times where I did not hold every thought captive, knowing full well I was flirting with deep depression-guess what I heard "this is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you" And certainly in respect to my recent chains i am carrying around, buying our first home (much to expensive, fixer upper) two new cars, that we so needed, gotta drive something (yeah right) I then again heard "this is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you" Obviously, i did not listen. The grief in knowing the King of the Universe was speaking to me & i did not listen...Back to Sunday morning, my attitude was in bad shape. When Tom stopped and asked if any of us just felt the need to be there this morning, just felt like if you didn't come something bad was going to happen... Guess what I heard-attitude check! Keep flirting with oh what a miserable life and "this is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you"
Ling xiu=soul repair. Lord give us ears to hear!

Currently

If I had to pick a theme verse for 2007 Galatians Ch5v1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Christ has set me free in so many areas, yet here I sit enslaved by the mighty dollar. Something I've learned this year is truly sin is sin. Doesn't matter what it is. I used to think that heavy weight of grief and guilt and defeat and hopelessness was just physical symptoms from the drugs I had been enslaved to the night before. Nope-it was sin. As I started to notice this feeling settle in over the past year at first I was almost fearful, confused. Like I've totally been here before, trying to remind myself that I am no longer using drugs that this is just the enemy trying to get me down, make me think something that I am not. There were warnings-oh- say like Galatians 5:1 running through my mind. God knows me through and through considering He made me and so isn't quite suttle with me and yet here I am. House in foreclosure, cars repossessed (ok, i so wanted to say "returned" but we all know its not like taking a pair of jeans back) no savings and hoping we can make rent this month. What stings all the more is that I should have known better! There is no one to blame here. Not that I would blame say my addiction or long list of other sins on someone else but there were alot of things that contributed to my lifestyle. This was truly mine to own. Looking back I see where I tried to ignore, justify... Yep, so thats where I am at currently. But God is faithful and relentless with me and despite my own rebellion He is working in and through in spite of me. I so have to go!

why blog?

Why blog? Ha! I am certainly asking myself that more and more considering I just don't seem to have the time! I'm not giving up-yet. The word "remember" keeps running through my mind every time I think of blogging. God over and over tells us through His Word to remember what He has done in our lives, remember what He has saved us from. Write it down, tell your children, don't forget. Too many times the daily worries of this life seem to weigh me down, trying to make me feel defeated and hopeless. He has proved Himself faithful and true time and time again. I still seem to forget that He is the Master of the Universe and just as He spoke the universe into being so he can speak the chaos of my life into order. He has before, over and over. Just as much as the old testament tells us to remember, the new testament tells us to testify, tell everyone of the reason we have hope. So here I am! Out of time. Humble beginnings. Ha!