why blog?

Psalm 40:7-11
So I answered, "I'm coming.
I read in your letter what you wrote about me, and I'm coming to the party you're throwing for me. That's when God's Word entered my life, became part of my very being.
I've preached you to the whole congregation, i've kept back nothing, God—you know that.
I didn't keep the news of your ways a secret, didn't keep it to myself. I told it all, how dependable you are, how thorough. I didn't hold back pieces of love and truth for myself alone. I told it all,
let the congregation know the whole story. God, don't hold out on me, don't hold back your passion. Your love and truth are all that keeps me together.

Delivered.

Delivered? Strange word really. Used to really kind of freak me out actually. The first time i heard it was 10 yrs ago at a recovery group meeting for people struggling with addictions. I remember several people were giving testimonies of how they met Christ and were immediately delivered of their addictions. Well, let me say that i was perplexed (that could of been the drugs as well) because i was not immediately feeling any kind of deliverance from my drug addiction. So i, like a 6yr old pledging to not eat my carrots, always kind of had a bad taste in my mouth when it came up. Real mature i know. Then there were other times i'd be around people who would kind of throw that word around like-i'm in deliverance ministry. My response was probably something like "great, good for you" Too afraid that if i asked exactly what that meant they would want to somehow deliver me. That seemed scary. lol Praise Him that He makes the foolish wise.
So why all this scary(lol) talk about deliverance? I found out its actually quite encouraging and beautiful. duh. In my Bible study a couple weeks ago (Beth Moore-To live is Christ) I was reading 2Tim 3:10-11 But you have carefully followed my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, long suffering, love, perseverance, persecutions, afflictions, which happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra—what persecutions I endured. And out of them all the Lord delivered me.
According to my definition of deliver, i would have to disagree. Remembering of course that i never asked what it meant, didn't want to know, which makes me again foolish. See in Acts 14:6 Paul was in Iconium & he escaped being stoned. However in Acts 14:19 Paul was in Lystra and there was no escaping, they stoned him and dragged him outside the city gates because they thought he was dead. Yet Paul says he was delivered from both. (I am currently reminded of my friend Adrienne saying "wait for it, Lori, wait for it" as i was figuring out the amazingly crazy ending to The Village, very dramatic moment, i'm not easy to surprise) Are you even still reading? Okay, so here is the fun part. Rhuomai. I know isn't it great.Rhuomai is the original word for delivered in 2Tim 3:11 it means "to drag along the ground, to draw or snatch from danger, to rescue, deliver-more with the meaning of drawing to oneself than merely rescuing from someone or something " Hallelujah! I have often joked that my Christian walk has been more of a crawl, apparently i was not even crawling but being "dragged along the ground" God doesn't always stop the stoning, the unemployment, the foreclosure, the divorce, the cancer, the jail sentence, the loss of a loved one, the IRS, the physical pain & suffering, the rebellious child, he doesn't always release us immediately from a bondage to drugs, alcohol, food, fear, insecurity...what He does is He draws us closer to Himself. God is relentless with us, we must persevere to know Him, to love Him. To trust that no matter how we mess up or how long we've been dragging He works all things out according to His purpose. Jesus as you draw us close to You help us to press into You, Your Word, Your ways. Help us to remember we are never alone, nothing is beyond repair when we know the Creator, You have a plan for each of us we just have to wait for it!

INHALE!

Just wanted to say I am (at the risk of sounding corny) completely loving Jesus today. I can say my thoughts all day have been consumed with Him. My mind keeps replaying His Word over and over. Daniel 1:8 decide ahead of time not to defile yourself-kept me out of trouble today! He is light and there is no darkness in Him at all! Just completely saturated in His Word. I am amazed sometimes at how I just actually crave the Word. Like I just need it and it fills me up. Like if that is all I had I could live off of it. Just completely satisfied. That's how I'm feeling today.
What gets me is that today has been a great day. There are certainly days when I've been dwelling in a pit and just need a rope to get me up. So yeah then i need it. But not today. The kids and i woke up horrendously late for school, we had 15min. to get dressed, brush hair, teeth, shoes on, the whole deal and there was no freaking out. No yelling at one another to hurry up, everyone got off to school with smiles. I had a nice day at work (doesn't happen often) even got to encourage 4 other co-workers. I got home at the same time as kids. Rielly and I talked for an hour about how God's love just shines threw her and how we need to pray for our friends who aren't so shiny. Sam and I made Valentine candy. We were able to eat a family meal together that I so happily (not always my mood) prepared. I took a shower before 8pm. Overall great day and i still crave the Word. Just a breath of fresh air! 2Timothy 3:16 all Scripture is God breathed-INHALE!

Know & Tell Friday

Question 1
What is your favorite fairy tale? Well I suppose if I had to pick one it would be Beauty & the Beast. I could relate to Belle's passion for reading and she reminds me of my Emily with her gorgeous brown hair and brown eyes and sweet nature. Silly!
Question 2
If you could be guaranteed a spot on the reality show "Survivor", would you go? NO WAY! I love food! I value my sleep! I love people-i could never vote anyone off. I could never be away from my family for that long! Not even if they paid my a million dollars just to show up. Nope. Now if my man wanted to go???
Question 3
Meanest thing you ever did to a sibling? Funny cause you said "specifics elude you"-your siblings are very nice to let you forget. I put my older sister (go figure) in the dryer when we were probably age 4 & 5-childish play, I say. She still tells the story to this day and I'm pretty sure she's still mad. lol Even more funny I seem to remember getting hit in the head w/ a frying pan by the same big sister at age 11. Not so childish. I forgive you Stephanie!
Question 4
Best Fashion Era... 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's or now... NOW! No question! I was raised mostly by my dad and bless his heart-fashion was not on his mind. I have a picture of me at about age 9 with my purple socks, hot pink corduroy pants and (wait for it!) bright orange Cleveland Browns tshirt! Pretty much all you can see is my glare from my over sized glasses and no doubt my unbrushed hair. So sad.
Question 5
Have you ever skipped to the end of a book before you finished reading the book? ALWAYS! I know, again, so sad, pray for me. lol Biggest regret was Redeeming Love by Francis Rivers. I wish I had waited for it!

Bonus Questions (I found these questions through a website, and boy are these challenging...)
Question 6
What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year? This is hard because I am playing Thomas here. I have never actually had financial freedom. By the time I was at an age to really start paying attention to how $ worked (age 12)I lived with my mom who struggled horribly, never owned a house, car, "week to week" doesn't begin to cover it. My husband i s self employed and it is always feast or famine. We were unwise in our feast time so... I do not want to be rich! I just want to be right with God! I want to have a clean conscience knowing that He will supply what we need and that we will be wise enough to know the difference. i don't know if that makes sense. Change us Lord!
Question 7
What is one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God? Be completely satisfied in Him! Again with the money thing. To know He is enough. God forgive me, I miss my Suburban! Silly I know! I did't even want it when we bought it. Being thankful for what we do have! Knowing it is enough! I have a hard working husband, 4 healthy children(amazing considering our old life style!) roof over our heads, electric, clean water, food on the table, and a job! I'm practicing!

Sunday's Leftovers

Funny thing happened Sunday morning. God drove home a lesson that He has taught me a thousand times. And He did it in the first five minutes of service. Earlier in the week I had learned an interesting word that I couldn't get out of my mind, still can't, don't want to. Get this-it's actually Mandarin Chinese, Ling xiu (leeng SHE-oo) Ling means spirit or soul and Xiu means repair. Ling xiu=soul repair! They use this word for their Christian daily devotional time. Well whats not so funny is I woke up in quite a foul mood Sunday morning, I was tired, then I was angry because I was tired, had to go to work after church...silly but I just couldn't shake it-mad at life. Went to church and our worship pastor Tom asked if any of us just felt the need to be there this morning, just felt like if you didn't come something bad was going to happen(not like in a weird way, like God's going to get you-we're not like that-God is not like that:)) This brings me to another thing that God has relentlessly been reminding me of. Acts 9:5 Amp AndSaul said, who are you Lord? I am Jesus, Whom you are persecuting. ^[b]It is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you to keep kicking against the goad [to offer vain andperilous resistance]. (Also in Acts26:14) Two things totally got me here!
#1)God is hugely amazing and nothing like us(duh-i know) Stephen had just been martyred, practically at Paul's feet and Jesus wasn't coming after him in a I'm going to get you sort of way. He is love. He is able to completely be there for Stephen and yet at the same time completely be there for Paul. He loves them both equally. He ached for Stephen's situation, the Word tell us that Christ rose to His feet, standing at God's right hand. At the same time He loved Paul and had such compassion for him, he didn't say I AM going to get you, or your going to make this up to me and be my servant. Christ didn't NEED anything from Paul. He said let me tell you, this does not end well for YOU. Which brings me to
#2) I cannot count how many times I have heard His Spirit say the same thing to me. The Word tells us, the Spirit prompts us, He always gives us a way to escape temptation... I will say I was stunned when I read that verse, the Bible says His Word is alive and I say- no doubt. I'm still overcome with emotion now just thinking about it. I learned early on about having a "personal" relationship with Christ and can truly say I have had one for the past 12 years but it just hit me a fresh. God speaks to us, not only through His Word but in our soul. I immediately was reminded of when I was battling drug addiction and can say before I would get high heard those words "this is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you" Times where I did not hold every thought captive, knowing full well I was flirting with deep depression-guess what I heard "this is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you" And certainly in respect to my recent chains i am carrying around, buying our first home (much to expensive, fixer upper) two new cars, that we so needed, gotta drive something (yeah right) I then again heard "this is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you" Obviously, i did not listen. The grief in knowing the King of the Universe was speaking to me & i did not listen...Back to Sunday morning, my attitude was in bad shape. When Tom stopped and asked if any of us just felt the need to be there this morning, just felt like if you didn't come something bad was going to happen... Guess what I heard-attitude check! Keep flirting with oh what a miserable life and "this is dangerous and it will turn out badly for you"
Ling xiu=soul repair. Lord give us ears to hear!

Currently

If I had to pick a theme verse for 2007 Galatians Ch5v1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Christ has set me free in so many areas, yet here I sit enslaved by the mighty dollar. Something I've learned this year is truly sin is sin. Doesn't matter what it is. I used to think that heavy weight of grief and guilt and defeat and hopelessness was just physical symptoms from the drugs I had been enslaved to the night before. Nope-it was sin. As I started to notice this feeling settle in over the past year at first I was almost fearful, confused. Like I've totally been here before, trying to remind myself that I am no longer using drugs that this is just the enemy trying to get me down, make me think something that I am not. There were warnings-oh- say like Galatians 5:1 running through my mind. God knows me through and through considering He made me and so isn't quite suttle with me and yet here I am. House in foreclosure, cars repossessed (ok, i so wanted to say "returned" but we all know its not like taking a pair of jeans back) no savings and hoping we can make rent this month. What stings all the more is that I should have known better! There is no one to blame here. Not that I would blame say my addiction or long list of other sins on someone else but there were alot of things that contributed to my lifestyle. This was truly mine to own. Looking back I see where I tried to ignore, justify... Yep, so thats where I am at currently. But God is faithful and relentless with me and despite my own rebellion He is working in and through in spite of me. I so have to go!

why blog?

Why blog? Ha! I am certainly asking myself that more and more considering I just don't seem to have the time! I'm not giving up-yet. The word "remember" keeps running through my mind every time I think of blogging. God over and over tells us through His Word to remember what He has done in our lives, remember what He has saved us from. Write it down, tell your children, don't forget. Too many times the daily worries of this life seem to weigh me down, trying to make me feel defeated and hopeless. He has proved Himself faithful and true time and time again. I still seem to forget that He is the Master of the Universe and just as He spoke the universe into being so he can speak the chaos of my life into order. He has before, over and over. Just as much as the old testament tells us to remember, the new testament tells us to testify, tell everyone of the reason we have hope. So here I am! Out of time. Humble beginnings. Ha!