Time out.

Taking a break.

Know & Tell Friday

Question 1
Did you eat candy this Valentine's Day? Nope, sure did not.
Question 2
What is something you do to relax? Love to sit on my back patio and read! Funny because all the different places we've lived and whether lovely or not that's where you'll find me. Or the bubble bath. I also find it relaxing to watch John & Kate+8:)
Question 3
(From Poole's book) What is the best approach for resolving conflict? Funny you ask, currently going through "Peacemakers" bible study. I used to only run as fast as i could in the other direction. Avoid it at all cost, didn't matter how costly it was to me. Now i can say i pray about it, asking God what the real issue is, where's my fault and if its something He wants me to overlook or something worth working out. If it comes to that it usually starts with me asking for forgiveness for my part first. Certainly a work in progress. Hardest with my husband because we both were runners and here 19 years into our relationship God is showing us some things are worth fighting for:)
Question 4
(Poole's book again) How would you define "freedom"? (this could probably be a bonus question)
Yikes! The first thing that popped into my head was Galatians 5:1 if Christ has set you free then stand firm and do not let yourself be taken into slavery again. Christ has set me free from so many different things which made our past year all the more difficult. Losing our house, our cars, ect.... Knowing full well that He had broken the chains of so many different areas then to be in chains again over money. Ugh. I don't in any way miss the "stuff" but i can say came dangerously close to thinking that this was the line drawn in the sand, that Christ had freed me from all that other stuff but this was too much. I can't believe i was tempted to by into that. I am not perfect but i am forgiven. ????
Question 5
(Poole's book) On a scale of 1-10, how happy do you usually feel? Explain. I'm going to say an 8. Explain-Christ in me, thats it, nothing else. Gosh i feel like i should say 10 then:) No seriously though, having gone through such paralyzing bouts with depression, i'm good, i'm happy! i'm choosing joy! Not that i don't still feel that depression coming on but i know how to battle it, i know not to flirt with it. I remind myself of all the life that i have now and am thankful. God is amazing at bringing other's situations before me that are far worse if i start to go there.
Bonus Questions
Question 6
If you could choose one "SIN" that you would never have to struggle with for the rest of your life what would it be? Pride-no doubt. Crazy to me because 10years ago if i would've heard someone say that i'd be thinking "how nice for you, now let me tell you a real problem" God forbid! Funny cause that statement is prideful. A couple years ago when i started seeing pride in my life i was floored!!!! Conviction to me felt the same way i would feel after submitting to my drug addiction when i was still using. How did King David describe it? strength sapped, bones waxed old... Yuk. Sin is sin. I find myself struggling with selfishness and being judgmental. Prides groupies if you ask me.
Question 7
What is one thing that breaks your heart? Hardened hearts. People who live such hopeless lives. Can't even imagine that there is any hope for them. People who have that look in their eyes like if you only knew what happened, what i did, who i am you wouldn't waist your breathe. I think more so for Christians who believe that Jesus has saved them, like their getting into heaven but thats it. Jesus holds them at arms length. Mercy. Breaks me heart.

Sunday Leftovers

God is amazing. Amazingly God and yet so amazingly personal. I make myself absolutely crazy trying to figure Him out. Let me just confess once again I was kind of dragging my feet again this morning on the way in to service. The whole work thing still (stupid i know) they scheduled me to go in early which meant i had to go to service separate from my family. [Please note one of the many reasons i write this blog is as i am writing i realize how stupid i am. My attitude should of course be that- praise God i can go to church, that my family all loves to serve God and that i have a job to got o at all...duh] So i asked my friend to save me a seat with her and as i came in she was front row, ugh, kinda like to hide behind a few rows personally.
So we had a special blessing this morning the Christian Fellowship Athletes from the high school across the street lead worship this morning. They rocked. God has giving me such a sensitive heart to those who publicly stand up and speak out for Him. These young men as i said totally rocked and i can imagine the enemy would love to throw them off track by heaping mans praise My heart was so full. whew. Just begging God to totally blow their minds, thrill them with His presence. That they would be in just complete awe of Him working through them. The Holy Spirit was so heavy upon them, i pray they know it. Well as i was praying for them to be saturated in His Spirit, i felt the heaviness. I don't know if this is weird or not but i get burning hot and i know i am supposed to submit and hit my knees and just get down and give Him glory, kinda like i am feeling right now. [here comes a stupid moment] In a flash my mind went into overhaul, pride took over "NO God, really my heart is bent down, my mind is bent down, surely i don't have to physically get down on my knees!" i am thinking-the front row is like the front row to the praise team and i felt stupid getting down. How did i go so quickly from worshiping Him to getting all caught up in myself. In a flash. Whew. Here is the good part, the part where once again God shows Himself personal and relentless with me. The song ends, maybe i am off the hook, maybe i don't have to get down... This young man starts saying Revelation 4! I'll let you read it. I hit my knees so quick. I new what was coming v.10 "get down" Whew. when that young man said it i immediately thought of someday God's might arm is going to strike and i want to be down, why did it take me so long!!! (all this happened over like 2 min time-lol) What if it was 2 min. ago when i was too prideful to get on my knees in front of the worship team, how i want to learn to listen and obey immediately. How many times do i miss the outpouring of His Spirit because i don't. [how i would love to say that the story is over and i will listen quickly next time and that i obeyed in the end] BUT! I knew what verse 10 said! Had it in my head and heart. They fell prostrate before Him who is sitting on the throne. In a flash, "God i am wearing a skirt!" He is relentless and oh so merciful. He might just turn me into a front row kind of girl.
Praise Him, when His Spirit falls maybe it hits the front row first, i'll pray about that! lol
As usual didn't get past the first 20 minutes. Let me just say to friends from my home church. I was reminded of a funny story. Our pastor had asked what are favorite book of the Bible was and I was reminded of me being a new Christian. I had asked where I should begin reading the Bible. I lived in Florida and was about to go live on my own in Oregon for a few months and wasn't going to be able to go to church and Genesis was not doing it for me!!!! The 2 pastors actually went back in forth a bit in front of me, one said John the other said Mark. Well a week later I was in Oregon and received a book in the mail from the Pastors wife. Verse by verse study of (drum roll please!) Colossians! As a new Christian i did not even know that was a book in the Bible. (i am currently crying) I am so amazed at His pursuit of me. He knew then i was a high maintenance girl, He knew that i needed to be thrilled! What a place to start, to get to know Him, those were some powerfull seeds sown! That I never stop being thrilled by Him!

Know & Tell Friday

Question 1
How often do you get real sick? Praise Jesus not to often! Just plain wore out exhausted about once a month. Trying to take better care of myself to prevent that!
Question 2
Do you usually send serious or humorous greeting cards? Why? Serious for sure. As stated in questions from a couple weeks ago i tend to be on the deep side. Maybe i should lighten up a bit!
Question 3
Are you a person who has a whole lot of acquaintances, or just a few very close friends? Wow! Both for sure. I have a group of friends that God has certainly knit together in my heart-kindred spirits! (If your reading this and you know me, it sure would be fun if you would join the world of blog!) I also have a lot of acquaintances which is completely a fantastic miracle considering i used to be so painfully shy! Christ gets the credit.
Question 4
If you could cure a disease, or heal a sickness, which one would you choose? This should be a bonus question, very hard! How do i not say cancer. This is my blog so i pick 2- cancer and i'm going to say depression, mental illness... From experience my heart just aches for those who are not free to live life abundantly. I could go on but i'll save that for another day. (or apparently for the last question)

Bonus Questions
Question 5
What does "being spiritual" mean to you? Definitely bonus material. Well definitely would have had a different definition several years ago. Now I'm going to say striving (not perfect!) but striving to have the mind of Christ in all things. Trying to see people the way Christ view's them, hear from their hearts what He hears. Really seek His Word & dig deep to be able to know His thoughts and ways. Holding nothing back. Certainly not just when at church & with friends but also at home with family behind closed doors. ???
Question 6
Imagine you were talking to someone who did not believe in God and Jesus... How would you explain to them that Jesus is Real (from your experiences in your own life)? Wow. Well, from my own personal experience would just have to say that no person in their own power can change as much as i have. Not even if i had Dr. Phil and Beth Moore as my own personal life coaches! haha He has done a mighty work in me. Seek and you will find! A few weeks ago Beth Moore asked for testimonies on how we have broke free, here's what i wrote...
"Love it! Love Him! He has set me free from a fierce stronghold of bitterness toward my mom who left me when I was 5 with an abusive (in every way)dad. He has transformed my anger, hurt and severe dysfunction into pity and compassion for my abusers. I storm the gates of heaven in prayer for them to know my Savior and to know that they can live in total freedom this side of heaven! He has chased away my fear! At 20 my husband was still having to walk me to the bathroom for fear of being alone!! He has broken the chains of drug addiction for me and my husband! He spoke Isaiah 43:19 into my heart before I ever knew how to find it in my Bible! He changed the legacy for my 4 beautiful children. He is my everything & it is my absolute joy to be able to share with anyone who will listen of this God who has relentlessly pursued me. To Him be all glory, honor & praise! Thanks for asking!!!!"
Funny thing is afterwards my heart ached (just cause i wanted to give Him full praise!) for all the ways i failed to mention. I had an abortion at 17, no respect at all for the gift of life-didn't even cross my mind. The fact that i was so weak and insecure and hopeless that i gave another child up for adoption years later. And yet God in His unending mercy has blessed me with 4 beautiful, healthy, God loving children. Years later when i realized the full value of life and the weight of what i had done, life was unbearable. He didn't stop, He was relentless with me He didn't just want me to move on but wanted me to know how far, how deep, how wide His love, mercy and forgiveness is. He wanted me to grasp the fact that even though i had done such horrible things i didn't have to carry the weight of that around with me. Our human bodies were not created to bare the weight of that and He continues to remind me that He has taken that and bares it for me.
Oh mercy, i could go on and on. Didn't even mention what He did with my depression, suicidal thoughts.... Is anyone else thinking of that song "this is the song that never ends..."
Seriously have to go! But before i do...
Philippians 3:10-11[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body]!

weary wednesday

Exhausted week. Is this why everyone does "wordless Wednesday"

Know & Tell Friday

Question 1
1. Who do you wish you could meet? Oh, I hate to be a copy cat but of course Beth Moore is on the top of my list. I also think it would be fun to meet Francis Chan's wife.
2. Best food comes from which country? I have to say right here in the good old USA! Give me a steak any day!
3. If you are familiar with the movie/musical "Grease", what girl character would you be (let's apply this lightly...I know some of the behaviors of the girls was not too nice). Bummer! Sandra Dee is the only one i can remember, definitely not her. Mmmm.
4. Would you be more likely to toilet paper someone's house, or would you be the one that has their house toilet papered? I just couldn't do it!!! To cause someone to have to pick up that mess. Our student pastor at our church actually told me it was a term of endearment. So maybe someday we will visit his house. Maybe tonight, considering I am having 26 teenagers spend the night for the Revolve Tour! We do love them!
5. Do you like small talk, or deep conversations? Deep calls to deep! I'm getting better at small talk-ha! I remember years ago a new friend said "wow, your quick to go there, your a deep thinker" I felt embarrassed, not so much anymore.

Bonus Questions
6.Who do you most want to encourage this year? My husband.
7.If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it? Trust God. They would be right. I sadly will still overthink every detail to the max! Which of course is exhausting. Hard question.