Just thinking.

Whew. Getting ready. Family is going to be visiting this week and i have to prepare myself, no not my house, not my menu, my self. I frustrate myself because sometimes it just seems to hard, like this takes so much work on my part. I admit i struggled with sadness this week but that was more over just what wasn't, sad was never a word i would use to describe my years in turmoil that was just fear, captivity, loneliness, crazy. My friend Kendra and i were talking about it and i think i had a light bulb moment because i was feeling a little guilty about feeling sad. I thought God has brought me through so much, He has blessed me with an amazing husband and children. God has given them a legacy of love, truth and grace, He has broken the chains of abuse, divorce and indifference. I felt maybe ungrateful and guilty for being sad. Then it hit me, that reality is with my past if i wasn't "sad" some may call that psychopathish (yes, i made that word up, its my blog, so i reserve the right) I am so blessed to finally be at a place in my marriage that i can share with my husband my feelings on all this and we both were so in awe of God this week and how far He has brought us. (13th Anniversary!) Even thinking of my family a few years ago would have sent me into a paralyzing fear. Mmmm, aka oppression? Well i thought it was sweet cause he had shared(which meant he cared:) with Michael (his mentor) that i was struggling and Michael said well its okay to be sad as long as she doesn't go al the way back to Egypt. Wise words-i love it. I won't. So, just thinking, out loud, on paper. HA! On the computer. Not one of my finest.