My thoughts focused on being a mom this week reminded me of one of my favorite messages from Mothers Day. I often journal while listening to a message, (writing furiously!) key things they are saying along with whatever the Spirit puts on my heart. Here's what i got!
First Timothy 2:15 Woman will be saved during childbearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness. So i looked up and found some words to describe it are "to restore, make healthy, recover" The focus of Driscoll's teaching is how motherhood "sanctifies" us. Praise Jesus, i am so thankful for sanctification. Huge word that used to intimidate me but i am just so desperate for His work in my life, the process of being made holy, the actual continuing work of life change. My goodness, i know that Him saving me from eternity spent in hell is totally enough, if that was where the resurrection power stopped then that would still be more than any of us deserve. But here's what get's me going, what makes my heart pound fast and temperature rise- sanctification. New life, right here, right now. Paul says we don't have to wait to get to heaven to experience His life saving power we can experience it right now while in this human flesh. The amazing work of being made more like Him! My heart breaks as i see so many believers settling for just getting into heaven. He has come to give us life and life abundantly, here and now. Okay, i guess i should move on to say what i was going to say! ha.
Driscoll focuses on 5 ways Christ sanctifies us through being moms.
1.) We see our own depravity!
Oh yes. I have kept the Holy Spirit busy working on my mouth. I'll never forget my bff calling me when our children were toddlers and saying "Trevor just said a new word! He said he heard Miss. Lori say it" Thankfully i no longer cuss like a sailor. I remember thinking if i could only get this fowl mouth under control i'll be good. Ha! Meet gossip and sarcasm. Sarcasm, funny, witty is what some would call it UNTIL you hear it out of your 10 year old. Another issue is their lack of self control and discipline. Why can't they just keep up on their room, remember to brush their teeth, make sure they have their God time... why can't i make sure i organize my time better to keep up on the home, to be freed up so i am available to serve when the Lord prompts, to eat healthy so i have enough energy to do what He has called me to do. His Word says He is the keeper of time, so there is always enough of it. His Word says that He has given us the power to do everything He has called us to do! So why do i sabotage that by eating nacho's and cheese for lunch! Check out Luke 6:40. They will be like us, for better or worse. He shows us our depravity. He makes me want to repent and be changed.
2.) He teaches us humility.
Simple. We do things for our kids we would never do for anyone else. Change diapers, stay up all night. Oh, the list goes on and on. Philippians 2:7 says Christ gave up His divine privileges to serve us. We are to serve, to think of others as better than ourselves. The first day of motherhood we get a crash course in humility. For some it's the first day of pregnancy(also motherhood) we learn to humbly be on our knees before the porcelain throne.
3.)Being a mom teaches us to endure.
We must persevere. We cannot quit. We cannot become weary in well doing. Let me just say as i'm typing this i am just so grateful to live in a country where "endure" is hardly a term i have to use. Life can be difficult at times, i have certainly endured heartache at times. I just know in times when life seems hard and I begin to think of having to "endure" God will show me how blessed i am. Years ago i read Max Lucado's book "It's Not About Me" it has really helped to shift my perspective in this area (or you could just turn on the news.) Soundtrack currently playing "count your many blessings name them one by one"
4.)He teaches us patience.(deep sigh)
Duh.We teach the same lessons over and over and over. We live in a we want it now society. We have fast food, microwaves and tivo. I'm reminded of Genesis 1 when God spoke and everything happened. I often parent with that same expectation. How thankful I am that God does not parent me that same way! Absolutely there is a time for direct obedience, the problem is my response. We want it, we want it now and i am on the verge of coming completely unraveled if I don't get the end result now. The dailiness of training up our children in the way they should go. Taking the time to explain why we go to church, why we serve, why they need to honor us, why we don't date yet, why we don't watch certain tv shows, why we tithe... Are we teaching our kids decision making. We want them to understand the importance of decision making as adults. "Because i said so" certainly has its time and place but if we are just not wanting to take the time to explain because we are watching Y&R or Grey's Anatomy they may never come to own for themselves the very values and things we are trying to pass on to them. God's Word does not allow for time off when it comes to teaching our kids. It takes patience in building a disciple, as we are discipling them Christ is discipling us.
5.)He sanctifies me by forcing me to have fun!
Okay with my history of OCD (and it is history) Time to have fun was not on the schedule, with having to keep the lines from the vacuum on the carpet and rewrite shopping list 10 time there was no time for fun. Praise God! He used my children time and time again to break through the daily grind of things that won't matter in 10 years or even tomorrow. So many silly moments during completely hairy circumstances. Playing kick ball out front, go fish, old maid, scrabble, i wish i could forget the roller blading phase(ouch, what were we thinking?) Recently we were going through a horrible financial situations, it was September the air was broke and it was hot. Every situation was intensified by the heat, humidity and sweat. My precious Rielly made me a beautiful card that said "mommy thank you for making everyday feel like the air is broke" (surely this will be a future post all by itself!) she went on to say "oh i said that backwards!" and we laughed our heads off!
I know there are so many other ways that God has used my children to sanctify me, it is truly a daily process. I pray i never grow weary of it. Praise the LORD He is blessing me right this moment with a divine opportunity for sanctification. A certain someone has wrote "yuck" all over a certain someone else's Hannah Montana CD and they want justice. Darn Dr. Phil is coming on in 1 minute. just kidding. kind of.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Finally. Happy Mother's Day!
Nine Mother's Days'. Nine self loathing, miserable, depressed mothers days. Well now that i read that i make it look like it was only on that day each year that i gave God permission to take me out. Mothers day was simply the day i felt God could hear me better on this particular issue. Please do not for one second think that my ridiculous behavior was any kind of reflection on my sweet babies, mercy no. I have absolutely always loved them with all my heart the problem being my heart was seriously broken.
Strange because i can remember the first night i realized i did not quite think the same as my other mommy friends. We had escaped for a much needed girls night out to Cheesecake Factory, all of us had multiple toddlers at home with dads on babysitting duty. *Sidenote we established that night that it is so not babysitting if he is the dad, oh no. Anyhow, one of my friends mentioned that if anything were to happen to her in no way was her man aloud to remarry. I was shocked, everyone else agreed that no other woman would raise their precious little ones. Light bulb moment here, not that i knew it at that time. There have been several times in my life that i have been made painfully aware that i did not think like other people. Yes, of course this could be a good thing but not so much in this case. I had been a Christ follower for a few years at this point and in my many prayers throughout the day i would continually give God permission to take me out. Nine years of saying the same destructive things over and over. "I suck at this. I am so going to mess them up. Don't punish them because i don't know how to do this. Jesus take me out and give them someone better." Over and over and over. I was terrified they were going to end up like me. My mom left when i was 6, part of me was afraid i was going to do what she did. I suppose i thought she just flipped one day and i was so afraid i just had it in me to do the same thing. Their early years i was so broken.
I joked a couple blogs ago about learning from a book to smile at my children. Fake it till you make it. It worked for me. Thankfully Christ called me out when my oldest was only 2 years old. I had 5 children over 6 years. My house was full of little ones and i learned right along with them. Praying before we ate our meals and at bedtime, bedtime devotions, Jesus Loves Me Cd over and over, memorizing Awana verses with Casey at age 3, learning Veggie Tales virtues(note to self, God IS bigger than the boogy man), being at church whenever the doors were open. My point is that my children had zero resemblance of my childhood but i was still ever so faithful to play that old tape "I suck at this. I am so going to mess them up. Don't punish them because i don't know how to do this. Jesus take me out and give them someone better." Over and over, everyday. Driven by fear of doing what seemed to be mission impossible.
The year was 2004, Mothers Day approaching and my dearest friend was going through a season in her life where she was consumed with worry for her family if something ever happened to her. By this time i had certainly realized that God had given me the gift of encouragement but i just felt in this case i had nothing for her. We were two peas in a pod we were. She was pleading with God to live life to its fullest and i was still continually giving Him permission to take me out and replace me with someone more qualified to do this job. One day i was reading through 1 Kings 3 the story of when Solomon had been made king and he was telling God i am honored, i am young, i need your help- Wait for it!- v.9" for who on their own is able to lead your glorious people?" I had a Jeremiah 23:29 moment. I was and had been head over heels in love with Jesus, feasting on His Word, passionate prayer life for 8 years! The Holy Spirit pretty much spoke to my heart and said "Hello!!! Quit whining We know you can't do this on your own, here look in this Word that you hold so dear and believe it, Solomon the wisest guy on earth, King David a man after My own heart as his dad is saying he can't do it, he can't lead these people. I did not leave him hanging and I AM not going to leave you hanging either. You say you believe in the power of prayer but you continue to give me permission to take you out, if I wanted you out, I would've taken you out. I AM God i really never needed your permission anyway." No kidding, i was laying out in the back yard praying and started bawling, remember it like it was yesterday. The neighbors probably thought those poor kids. just kidding! Okay, honestly, i wish i could say i never played that old tape again, i can not, but i can say that when i do i am immediately reminded that He never asked me to do this on my own and He'll take me out when and if He wants to until then my calling is confirmed. I am so having a Happy Mother's Day. Thank You Jesus.
Okay, soundtrack currently playing is David Crowder, Oh Praise Him
Anyone want to share a Jeremiah 23:29 moment?
Strange because i can remember the first night i realized i did not quite think the same as my other mommy friends. We had escaped for a much needed girls night out to Cheesecake Factory, all of us had multiple toddlers at home with dads on babysitting duty. *Sidenote we established that night that it is so not babysitting if he is the dad, oh no. Anyhow, one of my friends mentioned that if anything were to happen to her in no way was her man aloud to remarry. I was shocked, everyone else agreed that no other woman would raise their precious little ones. Light bulb moment here, not that i knew it at that time. There have been several times in my life that i have been made painfully aware that i did not think like other people. Yes, of course this could be a good thing but not so much in this case. I had been a Christ follower for a few years at this point and in my many prayers throughout the day i would continually give God permission to take me out. Nine years of saying the same destructive things over and over. "I suck at this. I am so going to mess them up. Don't punish them because i don't know how to do this. Jesus take me out and give them someone better." Over and over and over. I was terrified they were going to end up like me. My mom left when i was 6, part of me was afraid i was going to do what she did. I suppose i thought she just flipped one day and i was so afraid i just had it in me to do the same thing. Their early years i was so broken.
I joked a couple blogs ago about learning from a book to smile at my children. Fake it till you make it. It worked for me. Thankfully Christ called me out when my oldest was only 2 years old. I had 5 children over 6 years. My house was full of little ones and i learned right along with them. Praying before we ate our meals and at bedtime, bedtime devotions, Jesus Loves Me Cd over and over, memorizing Awana verses with Casey at age 3, learning Veggie Tales virtues(note to self, God IS bigger than the boogy man), being at church whenever the doors were open. My point is that my children had zero resemblance of my childhood but i was still ever so faithful to play that old tape "I suck at this. I am so going to mess them up. Don't punish them because i don't know how to do this. Jesus take me out and give them someone better." Over and over, everyday. Driven by fear of doing what seemed to be mission impossible.
The year was 2004, Mothers Day approaching and my dearest friend was going through a season in her life where she was consumed with worry for her family if something ever happened to her. By this time i had certainly realized that God had given me the gift of encouragement but i just felt in this case i had nothing for her. We were two peas in a pod we were. She was pleading with God to live life to its fullest and i was still continually giving Him permission to take me out and replace me with someone more qualified to do this job. One day i was reading through 1 Kings 3 the story of when Solomon had been made king and he was telling God i am honored, i am young, i need your help- Wait for it!- v.9" for who on their own is able to lead your glorious people?" I had a Jeremiah 23:29 moment. I was and had been head over heels in love with Jesus, feasting on His Word, passionate prayer life for 8 years! The Holy Spirit pretty much spoke to my heart and said "Hello!!! Quit whining We know you can't do this on your own, here look in this Word that you hold so dear and believe it, Solomon the wisest guy on earth, King David a man after My own heart as his dad is saying he can't do it, he can't lead these people. I did not leave him hanging and I AM not going to leave you hanging either. You say you believe in the power of prayer but you continue to give me permission to take you out, if I wanted you out, I would've taken you out. I AM God i really never needed your permission anyway." No kidding, i was laying out in the back yard praying and started bawling, remember it like it was yesterday. The neighbors probably thought those poor kids. just kidding! Okay, honestly, i wish i could say i never played that old tape again, i can not, but i can say that when i do i am immediately reminded that He never asked me to do this on my own and He'll take me out when and if He wants to until then my calling is confirmed. I am so having a Happy Mother's Day. Thank You Jesus.
Okay, soundtrack currently playing is David Crowder, Oh Praise Him
Anyone want to share a Jeremiah 23:29 moment?
Saturday, May 10, 2008
my life's soundtrack
Okay, so i was thinking if my life had a soundtrack (by the way, i am pretty sure it does and Jesus is going to play it for me in heaven) this song would sum up the first 20 years. Along with some Fleetwood Mac, The Cure, Bob Marley, Pearl Jam and some others i will not be mentioning.
Evanescence
Bring Me to Life
Praise God for divine intervention. Well i totally can't pick one song to sum up the past almost 13 years, however this one makes me think of in the beginning, when Lori was formless and empty and darkness covered the deep darkness of her heart. And the Spirit of God was hovering over and then God spoke.
Hillsong United
The Stand
What's your soundtrack?
Evanescence
Bring Me to Life
Praise God for divine intervention. Well i totally can't pick one song to sum up the past almost 13 years, however this one makes me think of in the beginning, when Lori was formless and empty and darkness covered the deep darkness of her heart. And the Spirit of God was hovering over and then God spoke.
Hillsong United
The Stand
What's your soundtrack?
Friday, May 9, 2008
Surely this is post worthy.
Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. Feels like i have so much i want to say, but stuck. Like when you have peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth but your mouth is still full and your not quite ready to try to unstick the peanut butter, stuck and slightly comfortable there. Surely this is post worthy.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Someone apparently reads this...
Someone apparently reads this, I've been tagged to share seven random things about myself.
1.) I hate talking on the phone. (it is currently ringing)
2.) I am a huge procrastinator, I work best under pressure.
3.) I absolutely cannot sing and clap at the same time.
4.) I learned from a book that i should smile at my children (then actually felt the need to practice in the parent pick-up line at school:D) Thank you Elizabeth George, I shall add you to my fave authors.
5.) I was the huge pregnant girl waddling across the stage at my high school graduation.
6.) My husband & I have been together for 19 years, married 13 years. Love ya, baby.
7.) I am painfully aware that my grammar sucks, feel free to correct at any time.
1.) I hate talking on the phone. (it is currently ringing)
2.) I am a huge procrastinator, I work best under pressure.
3.) I absolutely cannot sing and clap at the same time.
4.) I learned from a book that i should smile at my children (then actually felt the need to practice in the parent pick-up line at school:D) Thank you Elizabeth George, I shall add you to my fave authors.
5.) I was the huge pregnant girl waddling across the stage at my high school graduation.
6.) My husband & I have been together for 19 years, married 13 years. Love ya, baby.
7.) I am painfully aware that my grammar sucks, feel free to correct at any time.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
maybe...
So i just got finished reading my friend Adrienne's blog and feel like maybe i should lighten up. Holy cow. Or maybe at least put a picture of me up so you don't think i'm like emo or something. Is that mean to say?
Monday, April 14, 2008
Sunday Leftovers
Holy cow. Is that okay to say?
"Collisions:When Faith and the World Collide" that has been our current message series at my lovely home church. Let me just say that there was a collision in the heavenlies at 9am service. I am pretty sure that i was the only one fully aware and i feel compelled to enlighten whoever stumbles upon my silly blog. So i must first set the scene for you. My childhood years were lets just say "horribly abusive" um, yah, i think that is enough said you can grasp the fullness of what i am saying through the rest of the story. God has done quite the overhaul on my life and it is only through His amazing work i am able to have some form of relationship with my family. That is not to say that it is easy by any means, He has taught me to fight the good fight with holding every thought captive, staying in the Word and face down, nose to the carpet praying. Whew. Needless to say it has been a long, emotionally, exhausting week as i have prepared for a visit. So Sunday morning i am feeling pretty good, the visit is halfway over and my family had said they wanted to go to church with us, so i thought i'm golden i can do this. Worship together, have the Word spoken over us, sounds good, right? We usually go to the 11am because Tony and the kids all serve at 9am so i was on my own. Well Tom, our worship leader is greeting us, going over announcements so i'm sitting there checking out the bulletin when i see the title to todays message "Lust and Immorality" I, sitting in the 3rd row, looked up at Tom and i'm pretty sure he was unaware (considering he didn't come over and give me CPR or anything) said with my eyes "farewell my friend, i am going to die now" See my old way of thinking was pretty much my heart is just going to stop, just stop. For it to explode would be too much emotion, my heart would stop, i would breathe my last breath, i am done. Then he said to stand and say hello, Thorunn i don't know if you felt all your strength leave you during that hug but i took it. All week as i have been praying and pretty much reminding myself of Scriptures that i know God has spoken over my life such as Jer 29:11, lots of times God (cause He knows i love music) will give me a theme song for the moment, this weeks soundtrack has been Amazing Grace (the Lord has promised good to me) and Break Free(we are holding on, holding on to what You've said and You've done) So i began to sing and pray. As i was praying and repeating what God had said "the Lord has promised good to me" Tom stops to reminds us that we need to not get hung up on what songs were going to sing when we come in... TRUE. TRUE. TRUE. But lets remember i am trying to convince myself that this service is not going to be my funeral. Praise God, I have the biggest smile on my face right now as i think of our enormous God, that my brother Tom and i were in a 3 way conversation with the King of the Universe at that moment and we didn't even know it. Mind blowing, truly. So then comes the message. My heart just aches over the path of destruction that can be started off with just a glance, then looking at magazines, then movies, then just the quest for more, i know it well. While digging into the history behind my abuse and the why factor came up, it wasn't as if all of a sudden a monster appeared it started with just a glance, then looking at magazines, then movies, then clubs, then drugs, then chaos, out of control. To have the truth spoken out loud over us and for neither of us to just flat out die (or run), I have no doubt that my Father in heaven was waging war with the enemy of our souls, that He was saying right there the fact that those two can sit next to each other in My house and sing to Me, talk to Me, and listen to My life changing Word is proof of My amazing grace, My resurrection power and My unfailing love. I am not saying that i am still not going to struggle at times but i will say i felt like God was saying to me "It is finished." He once again confirmed to me that i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Guess how service ended? We usually repeat one of the songs from earlier. Nope. amazing grace. the LORD has promised good to me!
More family coming Wednesday at 1pm, can't wait to see what's next. Yes thats a prayer request.
"Collisions:When Faith and the World Collide" that has been our current message series at my lovely home church. Let me just say that there was a collision in the heavenlies at 9am service. I am pretty sure that i was the only one fully aware and i feel compelled to enlighten whoever stumbles upon my silly blog. So i must first set the scene for you. My childhood years were lets just say "horribly abusive" um, yah, i think that is enough said you can grasp the fullness of what i am saying through the rest of the story. God has done quite the overhaul on my life and it is only through His amazing work i am able to have some form of relationship with my family. That is not to say that it is easy by any means, He has taught me to fight the good fight with holding every thought captive, staying in the Word and face down, nose to the carpet praying. Whew. Needless to say it has been a long, emotionally, exhausting week as i have prepared for a visit. So Sunday morning i am feeling pretty good, the visit is halfway over and my family had said they wanted to go to church with us, so i thought i'm golden i can do this. Worship together, have the Word spoken over us, sounds good, right? We usually go to the 11am because Tony and the kids all serve at 9am so i was on my own. Well Tom, our worship leader is greeting us, going over announcements so i'm sitting there checking out the bulletin when i see the title to todays message "Lust and Immorality" I, sitting in the 3rd row, looked up at Tom and i'm pretty sure he was unaware (considering he didn't come over and give me CPR or anything) said with my eyes "farewell my friend, i am going to die now" See my old way of thinking was pretty much my heart is just going to stop, just stop. For it to explode would be too much emotion, my heart would stop, i would breathe my last breath, i am done. Then he said to stand and say hello, Thorunn i don't know if you felt all your strength leave you during that hug but i took it. All week as i have been praying and pretty much reminding myself of Scriptures that i know God has spoken over my life such as Jer 29:11, lots of times God (cause He knows i love music) will give me a theme song for the moment, this weeks soundtrack has been Amazing Grace (the Lord has promised good to me) and Break Free(we are holding on, holding on to what You've said and You've done) So i began to sing and pray. As i was praying and repeating what God had said "the Lord has promised good to me" Tom stops to reminds us that we need to not get hung up on what songs were going to sing when we come in... TRUE. TRUE. TRUE. But lets remember i am trying to convince myself that this service is not going to be my funeral. Praise God, I have the biggest smile on my face right now as i think of our enormous God, that my brother Tom and i were in a 3 way conversation with the King of the Universe at that moment and we didn't even know it. Mind blowing, truly. So then comes the message. My heart just aches over the path of destruction that can be started off with just a glance, then looking at magazines, then movies, then just the quest for more, i know it well. While digging into the history behind my abuse and the why factor came up, it wasn't as if all of a sudden a monster appeared it started with just a glance, then looking at magazines, then movies, then clubs, then drugs, then chaos, out of control. To have the truth spoken out loud over us and for neither of us to just flat out die (or run), I have no doubt that my Father in heaven was waging war with the enemy of our souls, that He was saying right there the fact that those two can sit next to each other in My house and sing to Me, talk to Me, and listen to My life changing Word is proof of My amazing grace, My resurrection power and My unfailing love. I am not saying that i am still not going to struggle at times but i will say i felt like God was saying to me "It is finished." He once again confirmed to me that i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Guess how service ended? We usually repeat one of the songs from earlier. Nope. amazing grace. the LORD has promised good to me!
More family coming Wednesday at 1pm, can't wait to see what's next. Yes thats a prayer request.
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